Friday, 8 July 2011

Rip Kilburn...

Recently everyone who was staying at Kilburn got kicked out. It was another cushty as fuck squat. It wasnt as local to central as the last few but it was still decent enough! It had been fully refurbed, even though the builders did a shit job on the plumbing. There was a drip coming from above in one of the bedrooms.

They had been staying there around a week and a bit with no sign of the owner. So it all seemed a bit too good to be true. It was just across the road from a sainsburys as well. So location couldnt of been much better. Me and Patch spent a while trying to get the gate to work so he could park his car inside the mews. We couldnt get it to work, then 5 minutes later Patch walked in saying a random irish bloke had shouted out the code to him. So we had the code to the walk-in gate, but not the large gates to let cars in and out. It still helped us though, as climbing over the gate would of been a pain in the arse to get in and out.

I had only stayed there one night. Literally had a night off and had nothing to do, So chilling with some good people was the best idea going. Me and Patch also had a few plans of getting up to no good planned. We cooked some food, sat around for a bit chatting crap as usual. Me and Patch prepared for the evening. A pre-explore nap was also experienced, so we could be fresh and ready!

Ready and Waiting

We packed all the nights stuff up and headed out. It was a good 1am or so, so was pretty late and the sleep was definatley a touch. I dont think I would of made it out into the car, let alone going to do something. So we headed out, did what we had to do and returned an hour or so later. To be honest we were pretty buzzing from a quick bit of fun, so we had a quick zootage before sleeping. I apologise for waking up Jess, we busted in at 2.30-3am, turning on lights and realising she was sleeping. So sorry again!

So settled and in bed we tried to get some sleep. Everyone at the squat had upgraded to a blowup mattress. Bought for under a tenner! But me being a n00b and only staying for one evening, thought 2 sleeping bags would be enough to make a little mat, plus use one as a duvet. A quick word to you all, wooden, laminate flooring is pretty damn uncomfortable. Also the noise of freight trains running down the tracks just behind was killer. It was semi relaxing and soothing, but the noise they made was insane. They were loud as anything, and went on for miles. I wish I had jumped over to the station and watched a few of them roll through.

Morning :)

Everyone woke up pretty early and at a sensible time. I think it was due to the builders working in a house opposite. As soon as we clocked them, we realised they knew we werent supposed to be there. We just carried on with our own business as they were staring at us. We cooked up some supreme pork noodles. They were all cooked on a tiny camping stove, which I wanted to test before actually going away camping with it. So perfect oppurtunity! Im that sad im going to give you all the recipe...

Pork Chop
Noodles (Pork flavoured is recomended)
Soy Sauce
Lemon Juice
Spring Onions
Pinch Salt and Pepper

1. Slice the pork into chunks, then mix in a bowl with some soy sauce and lemon juice. Leave for around 25-30mins to marinate and soak up some of the sauce.

2. In the meantime cut/slice the spring onion and cabbage. When the pork is ready, fry the pork until cooked.

Spring onions at the ready...
3. Bring some water to the boil in a pan. Once boiling, add noodles.

Noodles y0...

4. Add the flavour pack in the noodles, stir, then add the spring onion.

5. Leave the noodles to cook through for the time needed. Then add the pork and leave to simmer for a short time.

The White Ainsley Harriott...

6. Once it has all been mixed in it is ready to serve. You can drain some of the water, but its nice to keep so the noodles dont dry up, and it definatley keeps the noodles warm for a while!

Finished Product

For the cost of £3-4, using produce from local stalls down Kilburn High Road. A pretty damn tasty breakfast/lunch had been made. We still had 2 pork chops left as well. I think the most expensive bit of the meal was the pork. So definatley check reduced sections in tesco, they always have some cheap meat to offer!

Anyway the noodles were consumed. But we had another problem on our hands. We had a very, very angry landlord knocking on the door. I think he was a tad pissed off to say the least. Me and patch being the only 2 blokes in the house went to confront him. Straight away he tried to barge the door in, so we had to force him out. A bit pisstake considering it is his own property, but he was bigger than either of us, and had 5-6 big builders down outside with him. I think Patch has a pretty funny video of him storming around outside. The landowner had phoned the police anyway. So a few minuter later we had 4-5 of Londons finest to talk to. They were intent on bashing the door down for some odd reason thinking we were in the wrong and had damaged stuff. So knowing we hadnt done anything wrong we just let them in. To which we were greeted by well, a straight arrest!

The reasoning was 'extraction of electricity' which I can understand IF we had been using the electricity in the house. Which well, I know I hadnt, and nor had anyone else, but the landowner implied to the police he had seen lights on. Which to be fair, its midday! Why the hell would we need lights on? Either way Me and Patch got straight up arrested and had the speech of anything you might say will be given as evidence etc. Then they were going to arrest the 2 females. Which was kind of stalled when they went to search them, and it was pointed out that you need a female officer to do a physical search. As Officers cant do a physical search of the opposite sex. This kinda pissed off this mad, must of had a double ender up his bum officer. He was the most stressy, anal, jobsworth, officer going.

It was a wierd set of coppers to be fair. We had the one dude who was a madddddd prick. He said that because the landowner had left a fridge plugged in and on, and we had put a drinks and other bits in there, that we were therefore extracting electricity. I dont understand that, so someone is already using something, and because we decide to take advantage of this it makes it illegal? Either way it was some madness but we got on with it. We had 2 officers which didnt seem to bothered about it all. They were just there as its their day job really, or so it seemed. The last officer, who was actualy level headed, and had a decent outlook on everything was our savior, or he was just someone who understood it was all a load of hyped up shit that was just wasting EVERYONES time.

Patch came to a quick conclusion with this copper. Me and him were standing outside with this officer, and Patch just mentioned can he ask the landowner, if we prove theres no damage, can we just pack up our stuff and leave and it can all just end now. So obviously the officer knew that it would be a simple and easy way to fix it. Given we hadnt caused any damage and fucked the place, the Owner actually completely agreed with this. Maybe he wasnt happy, but again I think he realised it was the quickest way to end it all. So we were allowed to go and grab everything and leave, and the arrest well, would go no further. All im going to say is I wish there was more officers who can see past laws, and all other shit, to just realise that sometimes there is better way to deal with situations as they come. It took us 20 mins to pack everything up and leave. Rather than spending many, many hours in cells and having interviews, and a lot of time being on bail, for nothing. Plus the paper work the coppers would have to do, is it really worth it sometimes.

Either way it was something quite fun to of experienced. Fair enough we could of got in a bit of shit for it, but I dont think it would of stood up in court, and for the effort it would of been to gather the evidence, the owner might of gotsomething petty, like £5 compensation for the electricity used in 'taking advantage of the fridge he left on'. It was hilarious watching the aggy officer run around the house, grumbling to himself about its disgusting that we are being let go etc. I wish I had just told him to chill the fuck out, but at the same time it was nice to give him a smile as we walked away, just as free as when it had started.

To finish this shite random post off. Im just going to say, FUCK CHEERIOS, FUCK LEMON CAKES, FUCK PASTA SAUCE....AND FUCK THAT OVEN...the people who will understand that im hoping you laugh haha!


  1. br0... why you stealing my recipes... THATS COPYRIGHT :P

  2. mad post bro good work,props on the hyb re-blog ting